I dropped fifty words in this edit and tightened every thing up. There was a lot done in the intro and the beginning of the action. After this step I would have other people look at it to get feedback on what I should change, this next edit might take a while as I need opinions before I make changes.
Edit: I have removed the story so I can submit it to places. I should have thought of that when I started this thing. Although I hadn't planned on writing something of good quality, just a demo piece.